Memorial Day

I recently learned that it was not until 1971 that Memorial Day became a federal holiday. Before that, it was Decoration Day, originating in the years following the Civil War. The day is intended for us to pause and honor the men and women of our military who gave their lives for others in service to this country. I feel incredibly fortunate that the people I know personally who have served this country all came home to their loved ones. Many other families are not so fortunate and mourn specific people who they've lost. 

I was thinking about this recently when I came across a Twitter post about the power of "and." I can't credit the author, as I didn't even retweet it, so it's not in my timeline. Still, the message was one that I've been sitting with: in this ever-polarized world, why can't we be both? Why can't we see both sides? Why does it have to be one or the other? Here's how I'm grappling with this. 

I am decidedly non-violent and anti-war. If there had been a draft when I was in that age range, I would have registered as a conscious objector and not participated. I have never held a weapon in my life, and I don't plan to. This is not to say that I won't defend myself or my family, but so far, in forty-six years on this planet, I've thrown only two punches. 

While I am non-violent and anti-war, I am pro-soldier. How can this be? Aren't those ideas in conflict? Not for me, and here's why. 

My Dad served in the military. He was in Vietnam. The only way he could afford to go to college was through ROTC and the United States government. As I shared above, he came home safely, long before I was a twinkle in his eye. After his military service, with his college degree, he was able to find a job. He met my Mom, and the rest is Ricca Family History. 

We don't know the reasons why men and women enlist in the service. Some do so out of a sense of duty. Some do so to find direction. Some do so because of patriotism. Some do so because they want a college degree and cannot afford it on their own. And if we start to investigate the reasons for college affordability, I'll need to write an entirely different blog post. 

We are living in incredibly polarized times. I offer that the gift of the word "and" can help us steer closer to the grey places where true connections can be found. There are the rare instances when we can all agree there is an absolute right and an absolute wrong; for the rest, there are shades of grey. 

Those shades of grey are begging for people to engage, to listen, to learn. Those shades of grey will cause us to be uncomfortable, to grow, to find out more about others. Those shades of grey will test who we are as people, open us to other perspectives, and enhance our humanity. 

To honor those who have given their lives in service to our country, I ask us to find the shades of grey in our own lives with those closest to us. Practice using the word "and" with friends and family. With practice, we can learn to engage others in these difficult conversations. 

Thank you to Norman Watson, My Wife's grandfather. 

Thank you to Keith "Gino" Gendron, My Wife's brother. 

Thank you to Peter Ricca, My Dad. 

I am non-violent, I am anti-war. AND I am pro-soldier. Can we learn together? 

Photo courtesy of www.signalsaz.com