Mixed Messages

I was recently at an indoor soccer game, waiting for our own children's game to start.  While waiting, I observed an interesting interaction between a parent (I presume) and a player who was playing goalie.

The parent was sitting directly behind the goal and was consistently talking to the player.  I couldn't tell who initiated it but when the action was on the other end of the field, the goalie would turn around and walk into the goal to talk to his parent.  I didn't notice this interaction until I heard the first "Pay attention to the game!"  I saw the goalie was walking back to his position, out of the goal.  After that I was intrigued by this and paid attention.

It was repeated several more times throughout the game, initiated occasionally by the player but far more often by the adult.  Each time, regardless of who initiated the conversation, the parent got louder and more demonstrative as he told the goalie to get back into position and pay attention to the game.  I started to wonder how the goalie was feeling each time he engaged in a conversation (mostly started by his parent) and was essentially publicly scolded for doing so.

I've been there - as a coach and as a parent.  Parenting is a constant exercise in learning how to let go, allowing our children out into the world to grow into their own personhood, making their own mistakes and earning their own successes.  Where the line is, I have no idea and I have certainly "over" parented in the nine years that I've been a parent.

Similarly, coaching is about preparing our players in practice the best we can and then letting them have at it in the game.  I've been privileged to coach 8th grade boys to a championship in Chicago and even more privileged to coach our own children in recreation leagues in Williston.  This year, I've stepped back from coaching our own children in soccer, as I never played soccer growing up in New York and candidly, I still don't fully understand offsides!

As teachers and educators we interact with children, in most cases, for more waking hours than anyone in their family.  We must straddle the balance between encouragement and redirection, support and independence, between loving but firm and just loving.  Regardless of the message we send to our students, we must be consistently sending it with love, even if it is tough love.

We hold a tremendous amount of responsibility in our tone of voice, our body language, our eyes, our posture, our positioning in the lives of our children.  Let our messages always be clear: you are loved and you are safe in my classroom, office, building, district.  If they learn nothing else from their time in MPS, let our students know this.