What's In Your Tank?

When I was learning how to drive, I also learned a life lesson. Make sure, especially in the winter, that you have more than a quarter of a tank of gas at any time. For me, I keep this rule year-round. 

As I understand it, running on empty, while a fabulous song by Jackson Browne, is not good for your fuel pump. In addition, even though almost all gas gauges made today are digital, they're not always entirely accurate. Lastly, I was taught sediment collects at the bottom of your tank regularly, and without any gas, the residue will clog your fuel system. So, I never let my tank go below a quarter of a tank for all these reasons. 

My car's gas tank that is. I regularly let my own personal tank go below a quarter. I know plenty of educators who do the same thing. It's not healthy, but we do it anyway. 

Self-care was not something that was taught in any of my graduate school classes. Honestly, I cannot remember it being a word we regularly discussed until a few years ago. We still need to work on it. A lot. 

This week, I had a conversation with a staff member in St. Johnsbury who was absolutely at the end of their rope. This individual has been a part of our school family for many years. And while I'm aware that there are struggles in this individual's personal life, like many of us right now in education, there are struggles in this individual's professional life. 

This person's department is understaffed. There are not enough human beings to do all the work we usually expect them to complete. In addition, the to-do list continues to grow, despite the staff members continuing to decline. 

Our meeting started with a review of a recent interaction with another member of our school family. The other member of our family was asking for something, and realistically, the answer to the question should have been, "No, I can't do this right now." Instead, our kind-hearted, overwhelmed hero said, "OK," and added the request to an overflowing to-do list. 

Saying "no" to someone who you work with, especially if you are in education, and especially if you are in education right now, seems incredibly hard. It would not have been easy to do before March of 2020. Then again, rarely are the right things to do easy. 

In this case, my direct report would have served themself better if they said "no" at that moment. It was not a mission-critical request. It could have been completed before the Winter Holiday Break, not this past week, with no real negative consequences. Yes, the other member of our school family would have had to wait, and that's also OK. 

So as we wrapped up our weekly meeting, I gave that individual permission. Permission to say "no," with compassion. I asked this person to go home and review their to-do list to evaluate what was mission critical in these next few weeks. Prioritize those items for completion, and then judge how many more things their department can take on in that time. When someone came to them with a request that was not reasonable, I asked this individual to practice saying "no," with compassion. 

Education is essential work. I believe that with all of my being. I have committed a quarter of a century to work in it professionally and even more years as a student myself. Setting boundaries and saying "no" is something we all need to improve on. Teachers, paraeducators, facilities, food staff, administrative support staff, leadership - all of our employees need to feel empowered to say "no," with compassion. 

Self-care is not selfish. It is self-care. As an aviation geek and one of the only people who listen to the flight attendants' safety announcements, I know they tell us to put on our own oxygen masks before helping others. That's not a cute phrase. That's real. We cannot help others if we are running on empty. 

No matter how well-intentioned we are. 

Photo courtesy of @gcouros