We Can't Talk to Each Other That Way

When I first started my teaching career on the Near West Side of Chicago, there were many, many things I had to learn about being a good educator. One of my earliest lessons came less than a month into my fledgling career when I completely mishandled a phone call from a parent. I can't remember the name of the parent nor the child, just the feeling that I blew it. I walked across the hall to talk to my unofficial mentor teacher, shared my experience, and asked for some advice. It was simple: Listen more. 

At the time, I was not even twenty-two years old. As you might expect, I thought I knew it all. When in fact, I knew very little. I did need to listen more. 

I genuinely believe that my milestones have helped me in my professional world through each stage of my life. The young teacher who blew that first phone call that day was single, with no children, and very few responsibilities outside of the walls of that school building. Years later, I would marry, and I now have children of my own. Learning to navigate the balance (or lack thereof) of family, children, and work has given me insight into and empathy for the lives of others. 

So when I played phone tag earlier this week with a parent, I wanted to be mindful of all that. I know the reality of the Delta variant as we have returned to school has wreaked havoc on everyone. When we finally connected, I wanted to be sure that I remembered that lesson from when I was a very young teacher. Listen more. 

And I did. I listened to this parent's story, and I agreed with almost everything this parent was saying. Yes, it's incredibly frustrating to send children home if they have only one symptom. Yes, we know this means children will miss school. Yes, our staff is struggling to return the volume of phone calls, which is hard for families. Yes, sometimes there is the student version of events, and sometimes there is the adult version of events. We agreed on almost everything that was said. 

Here is where we diverged. In the professional world of this parent, the boss at their workplace wants employees to listen, even when those on the phone are rude and disrespectful, to allow the caller to vent. When the venting is done, the employee is to then connect the caller with their supervisor. That doesn't work for me. 

Yes, we are a public school. Yes, we are in the community to serve. Yes, we welcome any and all students through our doors. And when we welcome our students, we welcome their families as well. 

No, that does not entitle anyone to speak rudely or disrespectfully to our staff. In fairness, I do not expect our staff to speak rudely or disrespectfully either. We earn the respect of our community through our service and our professionalism. We earn the respect of our community through listening to ideas that are different than our own. We earn the respect of our community by having hard conversations, especially when we don't agree. 

And, we set appropriate boundaries to acknowledge that when we are not our best selves, we should take a break and try again later. That is healthy. That promotes positive relationships with two people who do not share the same perspective. That ensures that we don't say something we may regret later. 

There are too many examples in our world of people who are talking past each other. We commit to healthy and respectful relationships in our district. Sometimes that means saying no. Sometimes that means taking a break. Sometimes that means walking away. Especially now, we are all feeling the stress and pressure of the current moment. 

As long as we always come back and try again because we are all in this together. 

Photo courtesy of www.azquotes