I'm Sorry

I remember being in college and one of those Top Ten Lists of things came out. Mind you, this was not via e-mail, because in the mid-90s, when I was in college, e-mail was not a thing. So on a physical piece of paper, somewhere, I saw a list of what someone thought the hardest things to say out loud were. "I'm sorry" was at the top, if not the top of the list. 

I'll be honest, it's hard for me to say it sometimes as well. And the reality is, we all make mistakes—all of us. I often say to folks I work with since I'm the one who does the morning routine with Our Children, if I can get through that stressful time of the day without blowing it, I feel like it's going to be a great day! There are plenty of mornings that at least one of the Boys in our house, myself included, makes a mistake in the great rush to get out the door on time. My hope when it comes to mistakes is not to make the same mistake twice. 

While it is incredibly difficult to apologize to someone else, given how vulnerable you have to be to do so, it is also so life-giving to the person who receives it. It is humanizing. It is simple and profound all at the same time. An apology in and of itself does not always rectify the situation, but it is the beginning of the healing process. 

With that in mind, I read with deep sadness this week that Windsor (Virginia) Police Chief Rodney Riddle said that Army Lieutenant Caron Nazario does not deserve an apology for what happened to him at the hands of Chief Riddle's police officers. Mr. Nazario was stopped for allegedly not having a visible rear license plate. In the subsequent encounter with police officers, he was pepper-sprayed, pulled from his car, and handcuffed on the ground. 

Once the officers confirmed there was a temporary cardboard license plate inside the rear window, Mr. Nazario was released without even a citation. However, the officers can be heard on the video telling Mr. Nazario to keep quiet about the traffic stop under the threat of facing more charges. The officers involved did not apologize for their actions during the video. 

In this case, one of the officers, Joe Gutierrez, was fired recently after a body cam video of the incident went viral. In the words of Chief Riddle, "I've lost my confidence in him [Gutierrez] to be able to effectively engage this community." Further, when asked about Officer Gutierrez's verbal exchanges with Mr. Nazario, the chief said that's "not how it's done... That was inexcusable. It made me mad." 

Sure sounds to me like Mr. Nazario deserves an apology. Yet, sadly, this is where we are in our world. If Chief Riddle was to apologize, it would be admitting guilt. Since Mr. Nazario has filed a federal lawsuit alleging excessive force and racial profiling, an apology would impact that lawsuit. Still, I'm left to wonder why the officers on the scene did not apologize once they located the temporary license plate inside the rear window. 

There is only a brief video of the encounter. I'm not certain what happened before it or after it. What I've seen (and read) sure seems to be worthy of an apology. If an officer has been fired, and in Chief Riddle's own words, there were parts of the encounter that were "inexcusable," isn't that worthy of an apology? Wouldn't that be the human thing to do? 

We teach in our homes and in our schools, you apologize when you're wrong, and you make a mistake. It is a lesson that is lifelong. It is a lesson that applies to everyone. 

My worry, in this case, is that there have been no apologies to Mr. Nazario yet because law enforcement does not think they're wrong. My worry is that despite the video, there will be justification for the actions the police took. My worry is that it's another example of systemic racism. 

OK, so this happened in the other state in our nation that starts with a "v," Virginia. Not sure if this is possible here in the Green Mountain State? I offer you the following data from Stephanie Seguino, a professor at the University of Vermont. According to a VT Digger article from February of this year: "Black drivers were more likely to be stopped, searched, or arrested than white Vermonters in 2019 - even though searches of Black drivers had a lower 'hit rate' of finding contraband." 

Yes, an apology is necessary. But it's the first of many steps we need to take to help our non-white brothers and sisters feel human in a country that does not consistently show that we value them. 

It's not enough, not nearly enough, but it is a place to start.