You Can't Do That!

My Wife and I were married on June 19, 2004. It was a wonderful day full of family, friends, dinner, and dancing. It is one of my favorite days, and just hearing a particular song can bring me back to that day. We were fortunate to be able to spend two weeks on our honeymoon and we began our married life when we returned to Chicago.

Now that we were married, one of the things My Wife wanted to do was to discuss her last name. We had talked about this a couple of times prior to our wedding. My perspective was simple, I didn't care. It was kind of her to ask my thoughts about this but the reality for me was that she was marrying me, and it didn't matter to me what she did with her last name.

The two of us met teaching next door to each other on the Near West Side of Chicago. When we first met, we called each other by our last names, and to this day, I still call her Gendron (her maiden name) and she still calls me Ricca. Those names are so much a part of who we are as a couple, so when My Wife chose to change her last name to mine, she made Gendron her middle name, and I did as well.

After several dead ends, we learned that the first step in changing your name is at the Social Security Office. My Wife went first, provided the proper documentation, turned in the appropriate paperwork,  and told the woman behind the counter that she wanted to change her name. The woman nodded her head and looked at me. I told her I wanted to change my middle name. I provided all the same documentation, turned in the same appropriate paperwork, and the woman said to me, "You can't do that."

I didn't know how to respond. I was over 18, had all the documentation to prove my identity, as well as the documentation necessary to change my middle name, and wasn't sure what to say. After a moment, the woman behind the counter said again, "You can't do that." When I asked why not, she told us, "Men don't change their names after they get married, only the woman does." We tried briefly to reason with her before asking her to check with her supervisor. She did and when she returned begrudgingly told us that she was wrong, apologized and started the process of changing our names.

How often do our students come to us with questions that we've never had to answer before? What do we say when they ask us to do something that we've never done in our past practice?

The relationships we form with our students are created to, among other things, invite questions, especially the hard ones. We want our students to challenge us. We want our students to push our thinking. We want to grow and learn along with our students.

The day I got married, my name was Brian Edward Ricca. Today, my name is Brian Gendron Ricca.

I did that.

Photo courtesy of www.p98a.com