Kindness Really Does Matter

This past Wednesday, I was flying to the National Conference on Education, and there was a snow day for most of the schools in Chittenden County. I wondered a good portion of the day if I would be able to leave or if I would be stuck in Vermont.

As an aviation geek, I love to get to the airport early, get checked in and have time to watch the planes. On Wednesday, I was at my gate in plenty of time to see my departure time change from 2:45 to 5:00. I quickly went up to one of the gate agents to ask what my options would be.

That notice at our gate caused others to get up from their seats, and soon most of the people on our flight were in line to make a change. One of the customers behind me started complaining loudly about the delay to the other gate agent. It seemed to be making her feel uncomfortable. The reality was it was not her fault. We were told the delays were caused by air traffic control in the New York area.

While the gate agent in front of me went about working on my situation, I briefly made eye contact with the other gate agent. I looked at the expression on her face and said in a relatively loud voice, "Why did you make our plane delayed? I mean really, did you have to mess with the instruments in the cockpit?" Her face broke out into a huge smile. "Yes, I did, I was trying to ruin your afternoon." That broke the ice, and soon most people in the line were laughing, or at the very least, smiling.

The agents that day made the best out of a crummy situation. Honestly, they had done nothing wrong, delays are usually no one's fault. The two women working our flight were indeed wonderful. They communicated often throughout the afternoon, they were cheerful and made small talk while trying to accommodate the delays, and the people in line with me responded to their positive nature.

I was so inspired by their great work, I tweeted about it and got a response from United Airlines.

Regardless of the situation, we always have a choice about how we treat other people. We will never go wrong when we choose kindness. As educators, we literally have hundreds of interactions with our students, their families, our colleagues, the community, as well as each other. When we choose kindness, we put our emphasis on the relationships in front of us, even if those relationships are as fleeting as a gate agent and a flying customer.

Those singular kind moments genuinely make a difference.

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You Can't Do That!

My Wife and I were married on June 19, 2004. It was a wonderful day full of family, friends, dinner, and dancing. It is one of my favorite days, and just hearing a particular song can bring me back to that day. We were fortunate to be able to spend two weeks on our honeymoon and we began our married life when we returned to Chicago.

Now that we were married, one of the things My Wife wanted to do was to discuss her last name. We had talked about this a couple of times prior to our wedding. My perspective was simple, I didn't care. It was kind of her to ask my thoughts about this but the reality for me was that she was marrying me, and it didn't matter to me what she did with her last name.

The two of us met teaching next door to each other on the Near West Side of Chicago. When we first met, we called each other by our last names, and to this day, I still call her Gendron (her maiden name) and she still calls me Ricca. Those names are so much a part of who we are as a couple, so when My Wife chose to change her last name to mine, she made Gendron her middle name, and I did as well.

After several dead ends, we learned that the first step in changing your name is at the Social Security Office. My Wife went first, provided the proper documentation, turned in the appropriate paperwork,  and told the woman behind the counter that she wanted to change her name. The woman nodded her head and looked at me. I told her I wanted to change my middle name. I provided all the same documentation, turned in the same appropriate paperwork, and the woman said to me, "You can't do that."

I didn't know how to respond. I was over 18, had all the documentation to prove my identity, as well as the documentation necessary to change my middle name, and wasn't sure what to say. After a moment, the woman behind the counter said again, "You can't do that." When I asked why not, she told us, "Men don't change their names after they get married, only the woman does." We tried briefly to reason with her before asking her to check with her supervisor. She did and when she returned begrudgingly told us that she was wrong, apologized and started the process of changing our names.

How often do our students come to us with questions that we've never had to answer before? What do we say when they ask us to do something that we've never done in our past practice?

The relationships we form with our students are created to, among other things, invite questions, especially the hard ones. We want our students to challenge us. We want our students to push our thinking. We want to grow and learn along with our students.

The day I got married, my name was Brian Edward Ricca. Today, my name is Brian Gendron Ricca.

I did that.

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How Do You Cook Your Roast?

A newly married couple was sitting down to enjoy a meal together. The wife had prepared a roast, with all the trimmings. There were vegetables, bread, and a nice bottle of wine. The husband looked at the roast and noticed there was a portion of the end cut off. He asked his wife, "Why did you cut off the last two inches of the roast?" "That's how my mom cooked it," she said.

The wife called her mom the next day and asked why the last two inches of the roast was always cut off. Her mom responded, "That's how grandma always cooked it." When the wife called her grandma and asked why the last two inches of the roast was always cut off, her grandma told her, "That's how great-grandma always cooked it."

The wife called her great grandma about the roast. When she asked her why the last two inches of the roast was always cut off, her great grandma told her, "When I was first married, I wanted to cook my husband a nice meal. I went down to the butcher and got a roast. When I got back to the house, I realized the roast was too big for the pan. So I cut off the last two inches to make sure it fit in the pan."

I heard this story recently at a meeting, and it made me laugh. It also made me think about our work in education.

I'm proud that we work in a state that has mandated proficiency-based graduation requirements and personalized learning plans. We know that there is so much more than just content when it comes to a high-quality education. These initiatives require a substantial shift in our thinking about how we teach our students, how we assess their progress, and how we plan our instruction as educators. This work pushes our thinking away from how we've always done it.

In the St. Johnsbury School District we have started to have conversations and training around new safety protocols. When children are compelled to come to school by state law, it is incumbent upon us as the adults in their lives to do everything we can to make them feel safe and welcome when they come to school. This too requires a change in our thinking and challenges past practices.

What I hope will never go away, what I hope will never change is the focus on the relationships that we form with our students. I can still remember some of my favorite teachers by name to this day, and while I can usually place them with the grade I was in when they taught me, there is very little else that I can clearly recall. I remember how those teachers made me feel, how I always felt welcome in their classrooms, and the ways in which they cared deeply not just about my education, but about me as a person.

We need to challenge old assumptions and past practices in education. We need to ensure that we are doing everything we can to make our schools safe and welcoming for every single child that arrives at our doors. We need to push the boundaries of our own comfort zones for the benefit of all our learners.

And the one thing we must never let go of is the focus on relationships. Let's always do it that way.

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