Losing with Grace

March is my favorite time of year. Spring has sprung. The days are longer and full of light. I love March Madness. The NCAA Tournament. 68 basketball teams. One champion. I believe it is the best sporting event in our country. Here's why: any team can beat another on any given day. In most playoff events, it is a series (best of 3, best of 5, or best of 7). In most of those cases, the better team will win. Sometimes the underdog can win in a playoff series, but in March Madness, the lower-seeded teams have much more of a chance!

This year's tournament has been no exception. Florida Atlantic University is in the Final Four. In their region, they were ranked 9th, the first 9th seed since 2013 to make it to the Final Four. It is the first time FAU has reached the Final Four in their program's history!

It's tremendous to see an underdog win in the NCAA Tournament. It's exciting to see a come-from-behind victory, and unless it's your alma mater, chances are you're rooting for the underdogs. At least I know I am!

But on the other side of the gym from the underdog winner is the team that was supposed to win. Sometimes there's more pressure on the higher seeds simply because of higher expectations. Perhaps their record was better. Perhaps they had a better strength of schedule. Perhaps they had more wins than their opponent. No matter the reasons, those higher seeds might feel those losses more. 

Along the way this year, there were significant losses. On the tournament's first day, Furman University, ranked 13th in their region, defeated the University of Virginia, ranked 4th in their region. In the game's final seconds, Senior guard Kihei Clark turned the ball over, leading to a Furman steal, which led to the go-ahead three-pointer. That sequence was the difference in the game. Clark stayed at his locker, patiently and politely answering all reporter questions after his late-game miscue cost his team the game. When his head coach Tony Bennett was asked about the grace Clark showed, Bennett responded: 

"You celebrate his career," Bennett said, "and this is part of the game. I've used this line before, but when you step between the lines, you take the good, and you take the hard with it. You try to handle them with dignity and respect and he'll [Clark] do that... Would we be in this spot without him? Nope. So here we are, and I'm grateful for him." 

Losing with grace. 

The very next day, Fairleigh Dickinson University, ranked 16th (lowest) in their region, defeated Purdue University, ranked 1st. It is on the second time in the entire history of the NCAA Tournament that this has happened. Matt Painter, head coach of Boilermakers, started his press conference with this: 

"I thought they played excellent. What they were trying to do and what we watched on film is exactly what they did - always trying to spread people out, use their quickness, use their skill. I don't want to take anything away from them. They earned it. They played better than we did. They coached better than we did."

Painter then stayed at the press conference and answered every question. Every. Single. Question. Even when the media assistant said, "Last question," Painter stayed until there were literally no more questions. 

Losing with grace. 

And while not on the same level as the NCAA Tournament, Debra McMullen organized the 31st Annual Badminton Tournament at Cole Middle School this past week. Ms. McMullen not only put on this tremendously fun event, including a student and an adult bracket (I lost 5-4 in my only match), but she played as well. Ms. McMullen made it to the finals and lost. The first thing she did was hug and celebrate Mona McGillivray in front of a packed gym on Cedar Avenue. 

Losing with grace. 

March is, indeed, my favorite time of the year. 

Photo Courtesy of www.pintrest.com

On Being Kind

I try to be a thoughtful gift-giver. I like to give presents that are unique and not necessarily expected. So for Valentine's Day this year, I gave my wife a simple piece of jewelry: a silver four-sided pendant with Our Boys' first and middle names and their birth dates. Except I made a mistake. I put the wrong year on one of the birth dates. 

I did not catch it on the website, where it asks you to confirm the engraving is accurate. I didn't catch it when said website asks you again to confirm before you enter your credit card information. I didn't catch it before I clicked "Purchase" and made sure it would arrive by Valentine's Day. Nope. I missed all those opportunities to correct my error. 

My Bride caught my it though when she put on her gift. "Ricca, they made a mistake." Even My Wife thought I was careful in my work. I looked, and sure enough, the birth date for Our Youngest was wrong. I found the e-mail receipt for this product, thinking the company must have made a mistake. I was wrong. I entered the wrong birth date. I blew it. 

Still, I had to make it right. So I e-mailed customer service, explained what I did, and waited to hear back about the next steps. I figured, at least, I would have to return what I purchased and would be expected to pay for the new product. After all, it was my fault. 

The first response I got back asked for the order confirmation number and some details about the purchase. Next, they wanted a picture of the pendant, specifically the side with the error. I dutifully sent all this along and waited to hear more. I was shocked when I read the company's following message to me: 

I have double-checked your order, and it seems that your jewelry was produced according to your original specifications.

 
Typically, in cases where the jewelry was produced in accordance with the information the customer provided, any changes are subject to a 30% restocking fee. 

Since our goal is to serve you well and for you to be satisfied,  I have received approval to create a new piece for you,  free of charge. 

My response demonstrates how unexpected this was: 

Thank you for the follow-up. 

Are you serious? That is entirely very kind of you and your company! It was my mistake...

Do I send the other piece back to you? 

Sincere thanks!

Now the skeptics will say this is a company just trying to get a repeat customer. Perhaps. This was so entirely out of the blue I literally did not know what to say. The "Are you serious?" in my message was authentic. This one act of kindness made me think of two others that had happened recently, where people had gone out of their way to do something nice. 

The first was a car dealership that chose to pay for our rental car when our insurance days for the rental had run out. The dealership still had our vehicle because the parts needed for the repair were unavailable. I expected that when the thirty days for the rental ran out, as our policy specified, we would have to cover the cost. Instead, the woman handling our repairs said, "It's not your fault. It's not our fault. But this is the right thing to do!"

Lastly, while eating at one of our favorite restaurants, the server brought over an appetizer we had not ordered. When I pointed this out, the server said, "We are just so happy to see you, we wanted to give you something in appreciation." We already are repeat customers there...

I started this post by writing about a mistake I made that was corrected with kindness. More than kindness, really. It was corrected with generosity. Maybe that's too much to ask? If so, I hope we can correct mistakes with decency and humanity. 

Education is about learning and growth for everyone, students and adults. We learn and grow from many things, including our mistakes. The hope is that once you make a mistake, you don't make the same one again. And when we make new mistakes, we want them to be corrected with decency and humanity. 

Maybe even with kindness. 

On Fear and Regret

As I've said many, many times, I am a huge fan of Aaron Sorkin. It first started with The West Wing, a show I loved. That love morphed from "appointment viewing" (for the first six seasons, it was on NBC on Wednesday nights at 9 PM, but in the seventh season, it was on Sunday nights at 8 PM) and continues as the show lives on in the streaming universe. It grew stronger when I started watching The Newsroom on a flight to Hawaii. There is a humanity that Sorkin writes about that is compelling, and I feel this when I am watching actors deliver the lines he writes. 

I was listening to an interview he gave recently when I heard him say: 

"It was the single largest mistake I made in my stewardship of The West Wing." 

That got my attention, although I was not paying attention, so I needed to rewind the interview a little to hear the context. The conversation was about Emily Procter, an actor who played Ainsley Hayes. Hayes appeared in only twelve episodes, mostly in seasons two and three, with her final episode coming in season seven as the show ended. Sorkin, along with NBC and Warner Brothers, had a chance to make a long-term commitment to Procter by making her a regular, which they did not. With this understanding, I re-listened to the interview again and was piqued when I heard Sorkin say this to Procter: 

"I was frightened that I wasn't going to have enough story and that you [Procter] were going to regret being locked into this show without enough to do." 

A moment of vulnerability from someone like Sorkin is rare. But he laid clear that fear drove this decision. And that, to this day, he has regret. Fear and regret driving decisions. Rarely a good combination. 

These are human emotions, and we have all had these moments that Sorkin shares. I distinctly remember being afraid to apply for my first superintendency in 2011. My Wife saw that Montpelier Public Schools was seeking a new educational leader. When she first showed me the opening, I outright refused to apply. "Who is going to pick me? I've only been a principal for four years." I was unsure I would make it through the first round and was happily surprised to be offered a spot in the second round. Following the second round, I felt more confident and was proud to be named a finalist. 

Following the public presentations in the final round, I waited patiently for the follow-up phone call from then-School Board Chair Sue Aldrich. I can still remember the moment when Ms. Aldrich offered me the job, and my surprise showed through when my instinctive response was, "Are you sure?" to which I quickly stated that I was honored and would work with her to shape a contract we would both be proud of. 

I was afraid to apply for a job I had never held before. Thankfully, My Wife saw (and still sees) the possibilities and potential in me regularly. I would absolutely have regretted not applying, as I have loved the superintendency and the systems thinking I get to do with the School Committee and other thought leaders. In addition, while doing hiring myself, I remind myself that sometimes qualified candidates have never held the position they are applying for. 

Fear and regret driving decisions. Rarely a good combination. 

This upcoming spring will be a busy time for the East Greenwich Public Schools and the entire community. We are hiring three school administrators, working to pass our FY24 budget, and considering a Master Plan to breathe new life into the buildings where we educate our students. With all of these and while collaborating with our Town Council, I sincerely hope that we look to the possibilities for growth, not the ways we could fall. I hope we see the potential, not the pitfalls. Finally, I hope we find ways to reach toward each other in understanding and growth rather than remaining rooted in our own thinking. 

Fear and regret driving decisions. Rarely a good combination. 

Photo courtesy of A. A. Milne